I'm blog shy

For some reason I have been shy lately about posting. The summer has flown by and busyness is definitely a factor in the lack of blogging but so is timidity. Suddenly the world wide web is quite intimidating. I actually thought about "what if I run for public office and something I've said in blog world bites me." I have no idea why I even thought that, I never want to be in the public service business and neither does Nate. I like the idea of having this blog as a journal of our lives, and sometimes I go back and read things again, so for that purpose I need to commence with the blogging.

I'm having bedroom furniture made for the girls room from one of my friends from church. Deeann's husband is a cabinet maker and does beautiful stuff. http://groverandspencer.blogspot.com/ I am getting white furniture made from the Neighborhood collection from The Land of Nod. It is super cute, and hopefully it will be done before Amanda comes in 2 weeks. I'm going to try and make bed skirts for the beds, this is a big deal for me because I don't sew. I have done a little bit in years long since past, but I am a perfectionist at heart when it comes to my own creativity and I struggle with my mess ups. So sometimes it is much more tempting to just buy something rather than make it. A bed skirt should be a fairly easy first endeavor and will save me $60, so that is definitely worth taking a shot at. This is assuming that my sewing machine still works properly. The last person to sew with it was Nate several years back, and it was having some tension problems then, and he can't remember if he fixed it or not.

I am still working on not being critical, and boy oh boy is it ever hard. I can't believe how nasty I want to be in my own head. I'm doing a fair job of keeping my thoughts to myself, but my thoughts certainly need some deep cleaning. My goal is to be able to process all the junk in my head without verbalizing it to anyone, including my husband. I don't think that it is beneficial to him at all to hear my criticisms, so I am learning to internally process those thoughts. I hope to get to the place where I don't even think them. Also, I have noticed that we can cause our husbands unneeded stress and struggles by dumping our garbage on them. Is it really necessary for me to talk to him about certain things? Does he really need to hear me talk about how bad __________ is with his money, or how _____ doesn't let his wife go out with "the girls." or how bratty and unruly the ______ kids are. Even in my concern for certain situations that I may need to consult him about, I can certainly be more careful in how I deliver my message. I have at times colored my husbands opinion of someone because of how I presented them to him. I have also seen him bogged down with my feelings for something or someone that he did not share with me. I guess the bottom line is that I am a gossiper in my own home, and yes I think you can go to far with what you allow yourself to speak of in the privacy of your marital relationship. I have realized that I am too free with what and how I speak to Nate, and truthfully I feel a little sad about having to reign it in. It feels good to let it all fly. I had already made major changes in this exact area several years ago and that was a big adjustment, but now the circle is getting even more restrictive. I know that God is just raising the bar for me and I need to be willing to do the work to reach the standards that he has set for me. Hey!, maybe this is why I have been blog shy, who wants to talk about this stuff.

Gettin busy

In spite of everyone but Austin getting sick this past week we had a great time visiting with the family. We hung out at Nanny's house and swam with the cousins. We went blueberry picking and the kids helped pick a bunch of berries for us to freeze. ( btw, I found a recipe for a sauce to eat with the blueberries which was a huge hit.) Plain or vanilla yogurt, heavy whipping cream, and brown sugar, mix it all together and pour over the berries, just don't make it too soupy.

The boys have missed 2 weeks of swimming due to thunderstorms in the late afternoon the first week and then sickness last week. The final meet was Saturday but Luey was down for the count.

My friend M and I gave ourselves the challenge of not saying anything negative or critical at all. We realized that both of us have the tendency to get this way, so we determined not to say anything negative or critical for the week. Well the very first night I failed. I saw a woman on a talent show with the sides of her dress cut out and her love handles were hanging out of those cutouts. I mentioned to Nate "doesn't she have any friends or at least a mirror to see how unflattering that is on her." I was amazed about how many negative, judgemental things I think about in any given time. I am determined to keep the challenge going, it has made me so much more aware of the thoughts racing through my mind that I need to take captive. Having a critical spirit is one of the most life draining character traits I can think of. You poison yourself with all the negativity and you certainly don't edify those around you.

In shopping news, I found the cutest quilts at JC Penney online for the girls room. It is definitely more little girl than a 15 year old will like, but Dania will love it. I will just have to let Amanda decorate her half of the room a little more grown up. I was in a quandary of trying to find the perfect sheets, I wanted a higher thread count than 250, but they had to match the quilts. I found the perfect sheets yesterday at my second favorite store TJ Maxx. They were 310 thread count, full size for $30. Yea! One set was white with little pale pink polka dots and the other set was white with little sky blue polka dots. I was seriously overjoyed at my find, it became even more joyous when I was opening the packs to put them on the beds and discovered that the fitted sheet was the color of the polka dots on the flat sheet and had white dots on them. The sky blue fitted sheet with white dots matched the shy blue in the quilt perfectly, and the pink fitted sheet was an exact match of the pink in the quilts. I was so happy and actually still am. hehe! I will post a picture of the room when I am finished.

Amanda, (my 15yr old) will arrive August 8th.

Nasty little bug

Well I had an incredibly boring week last week. For starters Nate was in CA for 3 days. It rained torrential downpours almost every day which cancelled swim team practice and left the air incredibly muggy. I was tired and out of sorts the last half of the week but I thought it was due to not sleeping well, it turns out that a stomach bug was trying to catch me. I eventually succumbed early Saturday morning and stayed put for the weekend. I ran a slight fever as well, but was feeling better at bedtime Saturday night. I was completely better by Monday which is good because the Kissacks are in town for the week. It has been cousins mania once again, so I hope the bug doesn't catch up with the kids.

Embarking on unfamiliar territory

I don't even know what to write or how to begin this because the story is too long and all the details are not mine too share. In 5 short days 2 families lives have taken an unexpected turn. It began on the 4th with a friend of Nate's from junior high who came to visit us for the day, actually it began 2 years ago when this man and his 2 children came and stayed with us for a week. At the time his daughter was 13 and somehow I made a connection with her that has stayed with me over the past couple of years. They lived far away so I never tried to have a relationship with her, but I wished that I could have her. Fast forward to a few days ago. He was sitting on our front porch sharing her struggles and his own feelings of inadequacies as a single father when I blurted out that I wanted her to come live with us. We talked about it for a while, and since I had not discussed this with my husband first I said that we would keep this under wraps until we as a family had discussed it and prayed about it. For the record I usually don't jump into huge decisions like this w/o talking things over with Nate first, (it was very unDebbiePearlish, I know) but I had so often pined for this scenario in regards to her, and Nate knew this so it felt like the issue had already been discussed and not that I was springing this on him. That night in bed we talked about it and he was on board. That is one thing that I just love about that man, he knows what is right, he sees the need and acts. It was the same way when I presented him with the adoption process. I shared my thoughts, he listened, and it took him just a few minutes to make the decision. The kids were fine with it, as long as she isn't the boss of them. Well to make a long story short, she called me yesterday and said she wanted to come, so now there are just the details to work out. I will homeschool her and I need to figure out how to do that legally since I am not a certified teacher.

In regards to Dania and the whole adoption thing, I just believe that God's hand is in this and she will come home when it is time. I can already see how he orchestrated certain events. I would have not had the room or energy to have that man whose marriage was in crisis move in with us for 3 months if she had been home. I also can see how we wouldn't be doing this if she had only been home for a short time, and those are just some of the ways I see God. The other cool thing is that I have 2 full size beds for Dania's room. Even though we knew that we were only adopting one child at a time, I asked for 2 beds to fill that room. I just ordered quilts for them last night.

I am terribly excited, nervous and strangely peaceful all at the same time. I really believe that this is of God, and so you know that we didn't just throw caution to the wind, we talked to a number of people about this, including our extended family, and some people who have fostered a number of teenage girls. We did not get one red flag from the people that know us in real life. Strangely everyone said that we were just the right kind of people for this job.

Mothering a teenage girl who has never had a mother, wow! am I in for some surprises!

Camp, the 4th, and it's my b-day

I know it has been a while since I posted but the time just slips away from me. I had a great week last week. First off, the boys went to camp last week for 3 straight days from 8am to 5pm. This is the first time in 11 years that I have had a break like this. Like I said in a previous post I had been away from them for 3 days before but only if I was on a trip, nothing compares to being at home when your kids are away. Once when I had my hysterectomy they were gone for the week of my surgery during the day, but that hardly counts as fun for me. I realized a couple of things while they were gone. I didn't miss them one bit and I don't feel guilty about that feeling. They are all finally old enough to be gone and me not be overly concerned with them, I guess it is just part of the letting go process. I also realized that I do not want them to go to school 5 days a week, because if they were gone from home that much I would miss them and I don't think that I would be as good of a parent, too much stuff would get under the radar. And lastly, I need to take a break every once in a while. I don't NEED a break or DESERVE a break, they are just nice and so appreciated by this mom.

The 4th was full of activity for us. One of Nathan's friends from junior high came before lunch and spent the day with us. He left in the early evening just as our first guests were arriving for our big Independence Day party. We had 23 people including all the kids over for a night of dinner, fireworks, and games. I had a great time, and the fireworks are always tons of fun. I think the men enjoyed the fireworks as much as the kids because they get to play with fire and have all their women fussing over their risky behaviour.

Today I turn 38, it is not a big deal at all because for the past 6 months I have been saying that I'm almost 38 so I'm used to it already. We have no big plans because Nate is out of town and b-day are not a big deal for me.

Karaoke shame

I woke up Saturday morning with a karaoke hangover. Friday night at church we had a karaoke night for one of my friends 50th B-day. Her husband planned a surprise party at the church and rented a karaoke machine. I have to say that it was super fun at the time but the next morning I woke up with karaoke shame. I sang a Miley Cyrus song with the teenage girls and knew all the words by heart and even had some of the choreograph down. Sigh!!!! Nate and I also sang Bon Jovi (you give love a bad name) and Michael Jackson (Beat it). Now you know my shame. I have to say that all in all it was a great evening and I hang out at a pretty fun bunch of people.