I did it all by myself

As you know I hired a friend to help tutor the kids this year. With 3 distinct grade levels for the boys (Luke is not reading well yet) and a high school er who is quite a bit behind, I felt that I really could use the help. She only comes Tues -Thurs, but those are the days I look forward to the most, especially after going it alone on Monday's and Friday's. I have been dreading the days she doesn't come because it seems that I just can't get it all done, but last week she had the flu and I had to make do. It was definitely hard and we did miss out on some subjects a few days, but overall I am feeling more confident in managing my brood.

I have been thinking lately about how the scariest, daunting, challenging, and most difficult things in my life are some of the things that in retrospect I am most proud of. When I say proud, I don't mean puffed up pride, I actually mean I have great satisfaction. There are days that I just absolutely dread, I mean night before complaining in my head, not wanting to get out of bed dread, and all out avoidance if possible dread. Sometimes those days turn out just as badly as I had imagined, but therein lies the problem. I should not be imagining the worst. I should not be fearful or dreadful of something to come. If only I would learn my lesson and just take each day as it happens and plan for the best. Planning for the best isn't my first thought. I am usually preparing for the worst or worrying about the "what if's". I have noticed this before in my life but it was brought to my attention again recently while we were camping. I had laid out the 2 younger boy's clothes and told them to pack their little piles. Well both of them took out some shirts and one pair of pants, I didn't notice that they weren't packed until I was unpacking at the campsite. My immediate response was "Oh no", What if they get their only 2 shirts wet or their 2 pairs of pants are too dirty to wear. I had it all planned out so that "the worst" wouldn't happen and now it could possibly happen. I told Nathan, who said "so what they'll be fine." Then I told Tonya, because certainly she would see the dire straits of having only 2 shirts to wear on a 4 day camping trip, but she didn't sound the alarm either. Everything turned out fine. Who needs clean shirts when you never bathe and you are living outdoors. I did have to hang up a pair of jeans over a camp chair to dry out near the fire, but so what!

So I shared that story because after a long week of homeschooling on my own, Friday came around rainy and cold. I used to love, love, love those kind of days when I was childless or when Austin was a baby, but they turned into really long days when we were living in the tiny trailer with 3 kids on top of you and I learned to dread them. Well they aren't quite so bad now a days but still not something I look forward to, and when I woke up Friday to the sound of pounding rain, dread crept into my heart. I needed a plan and I needed one quick, so I prayed for peace and a productive day and I got better than what I had asked. I got an idea to get math, grammar and reading done by lunch and then have a Sound of Music marathon for the afternoon. None of my kids have seen it and I consider it a must see. You have never really lived if you haven't belted out "the hills are alive with the sound of music" on a beautiful day. We popped popcorn and crawled into my bed with blankets for the afternoon. I acted like I was excited about the day, I told them to focus and be diligent in their work so that everyone could enjoy the treat and for the most part they did. It turned out to be a pleasant day after all. The only thing negative was the fact that Luke found the movie "so embarrassing" several times and rushed out of the room complaining about "singing romantic love" and "embarrassing dancing and singing." That was a slight annoyance because he wanted it to be done at the intermission, but that kid has been a pest for some time now so we took it in stride.

Anyway I am really trying to pay attention to the things that I am afraid of or dread and see if I can't rearrange my thinking. I know it works for the really big things in life, like adopting, starting your own business, going back to school, homeschooling, but so often it is the little things that daily eat away at my peace.

Finally some great adoption news

Yesterday morning when I was praying I asked God that Dania not be something that God had placed before me but that I would never see fulfilled. I was beginning to wonder if he was testing me in some way and I might not see this dream realized. It is not uncommon for adoptions to have major snags and sometimes the end results are hard to swallow. Anyway, we had a regular day of school and then I sat down at the computer to email my facilitator. I had just pulled out the keyboard when the phone rang and it was her. She said she had great news and that my file was finally signed out of parquet and on the move to MOI. The bad news was that my file was signed out a year ago and got locked in a file cabinet when there was a personnel change. She told me that she chewed them out for me for being so inconsiderate, but at that point I was just so elated that nothing was wrong with our paperwork and that we were on the move again.

My timeline from now is tentatively 2-6 months in MOI and then 1-2 months in passports and then we are on our way to pick her up. Of course something could hold us up again, but hopefully I won't fall into another abyss. So rejoice with us today because we are very happy!

Eaten out of house and home

I am posting again because several things have happened lately that have caused me some alarm. The first occurred when I added up my food bill for last month. It was a staggering (sit down) $1200.00 bucks. $250 of that was eating out, $150 of that while on vacation. I have noticed my bill creeping upwards but I had no idea. 2 years ago we were averaging $400-650 depending on the circumstances. I thought that perhaps I was being careless in my shopping, but then the second occurrence happened. I actually paid attention to how much food was being consumed, and this morning for breakfast my eldest ate a bowl of cereal, an entire bagel, 1/2 a grapefruit, and then a 2 egg omelet. That was an 11 years old breakfast, the rest of them can pack it away as well, and they eat well (mostly) at mealtimes. So I am going to be investigating some very filling meals and snacks.

Tallulah River Campground

We headed out on Thursday to join the Kissacks and inlaws on a fall camping trip to one of our favorites places. Luke and Evan learned how to ride bikes here in the loop of the campsites when they were 3. (Well they rode through our pasture first, but this was their first time on pavement) We camped right on the beautiful river full of trout. This facility has no showers or electricity so it is really roughing it. We have tons of wonderful memories at this place, from fishing to treasure hunting, to cooking over the fire, riding in the back of the truck to Tate City every time we come, and this year we added Capture the flag to our repitore of adventures. We played in the dark between the 2 bathrooms and had a blast. Sometimes I wonder what the other campers think of our gang, because there is always a dull roar going on. It was a little overcast and sprinkled one afternoon, but other than that the weather and leaves were beautiful.

The Redneck Homecoming court finalists

We loaded up our chairs for a drive up the dirt road to Tate City.
Sandi and Amanda froze in the back. (Note, no children were riding in the back when we drove on the main road for a few miles.)
Papa and the boys following behind Nate's truck.

Tonya couldn't quite make it back to camp, the winding dirt roads and bumpy ride forced her to become road kill. She didn't puke, but only by the power of my strong, forceful praying. I'm sure!

Asundry of events

Eyebrow plucking to avoid the unibrow.
Evan's Star Wars pumpkin.

Lyra trying to hide while pulling out pumpkin seeds.

campfire fun

Amanda's first attempt at outdoor cooking.

She still needs a little work on this one.

Some sickenly sweet fun

Nanny brought the fixings to make carmel apples rolled in M&M's. It was too rich for my blood, but they were a hit even though several people felt a sugar rush like no other.

A Typical Week

I guess for the time being once a week is all I'm able to maintain. This has been a much better week, but not without some drama. The 2 younger boys are still having adjustment issues as well as Amanda. She came from a home where she was the baby and is now the oldest and I am constantly trying to persuade her to stop shooting herself in the foot with an impatient attitude. I'm not really sure why Luke is having so many issues, since he was and is the baby. One of the other areas he is struggling with is having a teacher other than his mother. This has been a big transition as well, and he is navigating that path very, very reluctantly. This has definitley put a strain on our school day, but little by little we are getting there. I am realizing what a claric personality he has. He wants everything to be fair and justice administered swiftly and pursues things with dogged determination.

I miss my dog.

I'm wonder if Dania will ever come home.

All the balls I'm juggling are still up in the air.

I feel content.

I feel useful.

I haven't talked to God as often.

Daisy Duke

On Thursday morning our beloved dog was run over while walking with Amanda. Needless to say it was very sad for us all. She didn't live long enough to get to the vets, but she didn't suffer too long. This was not like when Jacket (the black moron) died. This dog was one of a kind and I truly loved her. She was never annoying, and was the sweetest dog, everyone in the neighborhood loved her. It was a tragic end to an unbelievably difficult week.