A blur

Christmas this year was a tremendous blur and whirl of craziness for us. I won't bore you with long details but Nate goes out of town the 16-18th when we were planning on getting our shopping done. Nate's company party at my house on the 19th. Tactical gun shoot on Saturday the 20th, which by the way I took first in the tactical class and Nate took first in the competitor class. (toot, toot) Sunday the 21st had a dozen people over to eat leftovers from company party. Tuesday before Christmas was the first and only time we were able to go shopping, we got it almost done that day but it was madness. Wednesday, finished shopping and grocery shopping, then had a couple of hours to do the wrapping and head over to in laws for Christmas Eve. That night I came home and started cooking for Christmas day, just a few things to knock out of the way. Christmas day morning with the boys, then mid morning my parents and brother came over for presents and lunch. My parents left at 3 and I had till 5 till Amanda and her folks came for dinner. I got every thing done and had a relatively good time, but Nate and I both said that we would never do this again. We will prepare better next year so that we actually have time to enjoy the season and the family. We both missed out on the real Christmas.

Tonya and crew came over Friday and hung out while the men golfed. That night the cold that I had been keeping at bay for the past 2 weeks finally caught up with me and I was down for the count for the weekend. I infected Tonya and now she is sick as well.

Out of order of course

Amanda's folks and grandparents joined us Christmas day for Christmas number 3.

Amanda's dad and stepmom.

Amanda's brother and half sister.

Christmas 1, no actually 2

This was actually our 2nd Christmas since we did Christmas Eve with Nate's whole family. I just did not have my camera for that one. We had a wild and good time out there with all the Kissacks and Nate's brothers kids.

I gave my mom some giant king crab legs for Christmas. She loves them and never buys them for herself, so it was a fun gift to give. Nate's feet are in so many of our pictures, I don't know why he couldn't sit up to take the photos, oh well professional photography is out of the question.

This is Evan with one of his favorite gifts.

A Wedding

It has finally happened, one of my friends kids just got married yesterday. They have 3 boys 3 1/2 years apart, from oldest to youngest. The mother of the groom, who is my friend is 10 or so years older than me, but she is definitely a friend in my group. When they came to our church her middle son who just got married was 9 years old, the age of Evan now. I suddenly felt so old, and it made matters worse when the bride and groom spoke to me and referred to me as Mrs. Brock. I mean when did I become Mrs. Brock, sure some of my friends small children call me that, but not adults getting married. Are they not now in my peer group of married folks that call each other by their first names, or have I entered the realm of the peculiar middle aged lady. I remember these middle aged ladies, they were my moms friends. While they were not yet old ladies, they certainly weren't young or exciting. They weren't the married ladies who drew my attention, they weren't the young ones holding one cute baby. I still feel young and you know that I still look so young, so what could of possibly happened in the blink of an eye.

I further remember these middle aged ladies telling me to enjoy my time, youth, looks, health while it lasted because it would be gone in no time. Somehow I lived in ignorant bliss that it would never happen to me, that somehow I would escape the years. Now my friend who said goodbye to one of her boys yesterday tells me to enjoy them while they are young and at home, that the time flies and pretty soon it will be me sitting in the front of a church somewhere watching my baby marry another baby. I laugh because I know how right they all were, and because I am now one of them, telling young mothers to hang in there, that "this too shall pass."

Oh Christmas Tree

We had a lovely day on Sunday when we skipped church (due to Nate's barking cough) and headed to the mountains to cut our Christmas tree. Amanda went to church so we missed her on our adventure. I always prefer to go to a Christmas tree farm and cut our own. It was something that I did as a kid and I remember it fondly. Normally Nate is not thrilled with real trees because to him it is throwing money away, so if it were entirely up to him he would go artificial, but this year he thanked me for making such a great day. (the boy has some hope)

The evening didn't go off quite as well as the day, when I noticed that we didn't have enough lights, so Amanda and I headed to Walmart to pick some up, where we ran into Uncle Doug and Aunt Jenny (not a couple), we ended up spending more time than I thought, so by the time I got home, Nate's cold and cough had him worn completely out and he was too pooped to participate in the tree decorating. While we were decorating it Amanda commented on the fact that every year her tree falls over. I said "that never happens to us." About 15 minutes later Nate came in to lift the child that is appointed to put the angel on. We have a family tradition of each year allowing a different child to put the finishing touch on the tree. We write the child's name and year on the inside of our angel so that we never forget whose turn it is. Anyway we let Amanda do it, and you guessed it, ten minutes later the tree passed my peripheral vision and shattered to the floor yanking out the cord and all. The boys jokingly said that Amanda cursed our tree, but I wondered if it wasn't an idol that came crashing down, after all I was pretty impressed with that beautiful, glowing 9ft tree. Only 6 ornaments were completely lost, and a few of them are now permanently disabled, but overall it was an interesting holiday moment.

Peace

My entire homeschooling life I have never felt "called" to homeschool. When Austin was little Nate and I decided that it would be best for him to not be in a school enviroment, he was very sweet and had a sensitive nature, and at that tender age of 5 I didn't want it damaged. I also didn't want to be waking up my 3 and 1yr old and driving to school in the wee morning hours. Added to those factors also was the consideration of Nate having his own business and setting his own time off whenever his schedule allowed. For several years while the school work itself wasn't so demanding I didn't mind homeschooling. I never loved it, but I felt like the trade offs were worth it. In the last 2 years I have become incredibly resentful of it. I dread it beyond explanation. I even started not enjoying the weekends because I was dreading Monday so badly. I know that I didn't have the right attitude about it, but no matter how much I turned it over to the Lord and begged for wisdom and mercy, peace was alluding me. I was constantly talking about my options, public school, private school, tutors, etc. I never acted on them because I was too chicken to make a change, and too uncertain about my motives.

I am not one of those homeschool moms who believes that it is best for all children to be taught at home. I really believe that many factors can play into whether or not it is the best thing for each family. I believe that my middle son suffers from being here. All my other children benefit from it, I'm sure. I have come to realize that most of my discontentment has come from the fact that I have options. If we couldn't afford christian school then that option would be out the window. If we couldn't have a tutor then of course that wouldn't be a consideration either, and the only option would be public school or homeschool. Well just a week or so ago I came to the realization that I no longer had the option of public school. Amanda could never survive public hs academically and spiritually. Private school is out as well because she is too far behind. Once all those doors closed I had to make peace about where I was with this whole thing, and I also found out that my husband believes it is God's best for our family at this time. I honestly never knew he felt that way. It has always been a year to year decision, but once I realized that he felt that way and also that 3 of my kids were better off here I capitulated to the path I am on with peace in my heart. I finally am convinced I am where God wants me, and even though I don't want to be here it makes the surrender that much easier. I try to encourage myself with a song that we so often sing in church. "oh the wonderful cross, bids me come and die and find that I may truly live." It just reminds me of why I am really here on this earth, and what truly matters. My flesh is so very weak at times but he has always managed to sustain me through the hard days.