Words are inadequate

It seems that I could never convey the depths of my sorrow in a forum such as this, but my mind has been consumed with some friends of ours grief. On saturday while we were with them they got word that their little nephew, not yet 2 had shot himself with a 22 pistol. We know the father of the toddler, but are pretty close with the fathers brother and sister. The father has been arrested and spent the first few days of his sons death in jail. This was a terrible accident and not some willful neglect. The father is overcome with despair, and I'm pretty sure that he does not know the Lord. I know that God can use this for good, but goodness the pain is staggering for this family.

I will survive

My biopsy came back good, and they only want to check me again in 6 months just to see how things look. For now, they will leave said lump in place, because it looks like a normal cyst. While I am happy to have this behind me, I was almost certain that my time had come to face something serious. This has been a year of trial, and it almost seemed fitting that something else go wrong. See what a lovely sense of optimism can do for you.

I'm feeling particularly chipper because Tuesday I spent the day looking for a lost 2007 homestudy that immigration needed. They should have had it, I should have had it, my agency should have had it, the social worker should have had it, but mysteriously none did. Thankfully at the end of the day immigration settled for my original homestudy that was done in 2006. Then Wednesday, I spent the day tracking a letter that contained my checks for new fingerprints. The tracking stated that it was delivered 12 days ago, but immigration couldn't find it and therefore had not submitted me into the data base for a new appt. They did get this taken care of by end of business yesterday, but I lost 12 days in the process. I will not be able to travel to Haiti on my old prints that expire on the 2nd of Dec, because I won't have clearance yet from the National Visa Center. Christmas is still a slim possibility, but I'm not holding my breath, and I've given that one to the Lord as well. When I mentioned that they lost my check last night in homegroup, someone said that this is getting downright demonic, and I have to concur. I'm usually not a demon around every door kinda gal, but there has been a fight going on to bring this one little girl home. So many things have gone wrong and yet they must be right also. When that was said last night about this getting downright dirty, I thought about the fact that we wrestle not against flesh and blood, and no person is trying to mess this up for us, it is a spiritual battle and I thank God that I am on the winning side. I also realized that I have a fighting spirit as well, and I thought "bring it", "I've got what it takes to see this through." After a;;, I know the eventual outcome, this child is mine, which means that she is under my protection and covering. I say this not full of arrogance, but with full confidence that God is with me, and he certainly has what it takes, and if I abide in him, then I have what it takes as well. He's got my back, and I can't imagine anyone more qualified to cover me in this battle.

Tiny needles

It was a slow week, I still was tired from the cold I'd had and it rained quite a bit in the early part of the week. On Friday I had a breast aspiration. Several weeks ago I felt an unfamiliar lump on one of my breasts. When you have breasts the size of mine, it is not hard to notice a change. So I had the usual mamo and ultrasound done, and they recommended the aspiration done. They stuck a tiny little needle into me to numb the area, that burned like fire, but the rest was a piece of cake. I won't get the lab results back until the 24th, which is way too long to have to wait, I think. Luckily, they are not too concerned, apparently I have lots of cysts in my body, that is one reason that I lost my uterus several years ago. I guess cysts just like me. Still, if I was overly concerned about cancer, 10 days to find out biopsy results is sheer torture.

I hosted a soup and salad party for the ladies of our church after my procedure. We had close to 2o different soups to try. It was good to host everyone, it's been a while since I've had a big gathering at my house. One of the ladies of the group had just suffered a miscarriage that very morning, and her husband had to work an evening shift. She didn't want to be home alone, so she came to hang out with us, of course we prayed for her, hugged her, and cried with her. We also had a great time with many laughs. It is a testament to the women in my body that she wanted to be with them in her time of sorrow. I am so blessed with godly women in my life.

Happenings in a nutshell

On Fridays Amanda is off from school, so this past Friday we went on a shopping trip. She had some money saved from working and wanted to buy some shoes. I think that this was our first shopping trip together out of town, just the two of us. I am (much to the dismay of my mother and mother in law) not a shopper. If I don't see something, then I don't know what I'm missing, and that is how I like to keep it. Now don't get me wrong, I frequent stores quite often, but it is usually that we are going somewhere for some reason, and then when I see a Ross, and I have to stop in for a quick peek. Anyway, Amanda got herself some shoes, jeans and T-shirts, while I snagged similar T-shirts and some shirts for the boys. There were some deals to be had, I didn't pay more than $5.99 for a sweatshirt, and my T's were under $5.

Saturday I woke up sneezing like there was no tomorrow and with a sore throat, but my persuasive husband convinced me to go to the ATV trails with him and the kids. He was planning on taking the boys dirt bike riding, but then Amanda wanted to go as well, along with the neighbor kid who comes and rides on our track. The kids wanted me to go, since the whole family was going, so I gave in and went. We had to squish 7 people into the truck and 7 bikes onto the trailer. We have not been to the trails in about a year, and just recently all the boys have upgraded to bigger bikes. Austin is now on a 150, 2 stroke, which just means that it is a fast racing bike. Amanda has Austin's old one, so even she is equipped to ride, plus she is a daredevil and has a feel and knack for riding. I on the other hand am now only slightly better than my 8 yr old, and he is the only one that I saw ride, except of course when Nate would swing back to see how I was doing, or when I caught a glimpse of a blur through the trees, or when they would wait up for us at a crossroad. I can't decide if I'm super cool or a big fool. I saw 2 other people of the female persuasion, but they have the word teen somewhere in their description, and they were on 4 wheelers. I like it that Nate pushes me to keep doing things, but I'm not sure how I feel about being a 40 yr old biker chic. When Dania gets home that will probably put an end to my riding, because I'm pretty sure that she will not want to tackle ATV trails. I want her to learn how to ride, just to have the skill, because it has been really good for me and boys to have, but I seriously doubt she will want to tear around the track.

We came home from that big day with an hour to spare before company was coming over for dinner. I had to still go to the store and get stuff for dinner, so needless to say a shower was out of the question. I was also feeling poorly. The cold had drained me, and I think that I got dehydrated, because all I had to drink that day was coffee in the morning, (which is a diuretic) and half a bottle of water. I was shaky and weak by the time company came, but I got a second wind after 7:30pm.

Last night we rented "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas." I highly enjoyed this movie for the family. It is about the Holocaust, but it presented it in a way that was very poignant to my kids. Luke was old enough to "get it" and it wasn't so disturbing that the thematic elements outweighed the story. The story was from the perspective of an 8 yr old boy. No blood, no graphic holocaust imagery, no cussing, (just some anti Semitic propaganda) There was and still is lots of topics for discussion, from naughty boyish behavior to hate and murder. I am a holocaust buff (if you can even call it that w/o sounding insensitive) but I read everything I can get my hands on, especially the biographies of survivors.

In adoption news, all of my updated paperwork has been submitted to USCIS, and I am awaiting approval. As soon as I get my approval notice, we go to Haiti to file our final paperwork. Christmas is still a viable possibility.

Made in the shade

My schedule right now is pretty stellar, so I am really enjoying myself. Nathan takes the little boys and Amanda to school in the mornings 3 out of 5 days, works in the morning, picks up Amanda at lunch time and comes home for the rest of the day. That is giving me several mornings at home to get things done. I am only working 1 day a week now, and only for 1/2 a day. This is only happening because Nate needs to get some stuff done around the house that he feels has been neglected as of late, so I'd better enjoy it while it lasts.

My adoption is wrapping up nicely, thanks to getting my homestudy done in 3 short weeks. It was mailed to me on Friday, so I don't have it in hand yet, but it should be here soon. Once I receive it, I will send it to USCIS (immigration) get my I-600a approval, and then travel to Haiti to file the FINAL paperwork. Since my new agency has a good relationship with the embassy in Haiti, she believes that I will get an appt quickly, and having Dania home by Christmas is still very possible.

We have found a wonderful deal at CBD and I thought that I would share it. CBD has their radio dramatization of 5 classics on cd's for $9.99. The set includes the stories: Ben Hur, A Christmas Carol, Les Miserable, Silas Marner, and Billy Budd Sailor. Instead of watching movies on the weekend, or doing nothing together, we are making popcorn, building a fire in the fireplace and listening to these stories. I'm happy to say that even a big girl like Amanda is enjoying this family pasttime. CBD also has the stories of Bonhoffer and The Hiding Place in another set for $4.99, so we have many nights to look forwarded to this fall.