My Birthday

Today we started out the day going up to the Old Clarkesville mill looking for furniture. We took Nanny and Papa, but I think we were dragging Papa along for the ride. I'm sure a man isn't that interested in furniture shopping especially if it's not for his house. We went out to lunch at Zaxby's and then headed back to the mill to bowl. It was too expensive for us to bowl $4.50 per person, and then $3 for each additional game. We normally bowl on dollar night here, so we skipped the bowling, and went back to the in laws for ice cream and conversation. When I got home I noticed a box of chocolates on my kitchen table, they were from a dear friend (thanks Maura), I am embarrassed that she saw my house in the state of squalor that it is, but oh well what are friends for? This birthday is no big deal, 30 was a whopper and I didn't like 35 because that meant I was closer to 40 than 30. My b-day falls on a cool day this year so I was sorta excited about that. We just got back from my new house, I was showing it to my parents, they hadn't seen it yet since they have been vacationing at the outer banks (NC). Thanks for all the well wishes everyone, I am truly blessed.

Cooking

After posting that, I read my comments from yesterdays post, and Jane reminded me of Ratatouille. I just want to say that I love food and cooking, the movie inspired me to want to make and create beautiful and tasty food. Yes I am a weirdo, I know that if seeing cartoon food inspired me, then I have a screw loose. Oh but I felt the pleasure of this rat that wanted to cook. I want to go to culinary school, not to get a job in a restaurant, or resort, but to have the knowledge for myself. Alas the closest one is 1 1/2 hours away, so I'm storing this dream in the after the children are out of the house drawer.

My Sin Nature

I am so overcome by the realization that I am an angry, venegful person. When someone has done something truly heinous, I have a really hard time being merciful. Eventually I will get to the place of grace and mercy, but first I want to brude and be violent in my mind. I really do know that it is sinful to have feelings of revenge, but honestly I quite enjoy my day or hours of wrath. I used to not have as much control over my silent rages as I do now, (thank you God), I mean I could be icy and nasty to people, not really caring if I hurt their feelings just as long as my anger is "justified". Now I'm sitting here madder than a hornet, and not even for an injustice that has been done to me. I am offended for a friend, hello not even my battle or business, so why are the battle plans forming even as I type this. Yet my heart really aches for the people that are trapped in their sin, and I'm mostly angry that the devil wins so many battles. If all the people would repent I truly would be first (okay second) in line to offer forgiveness and help. when God takes a long time to answer prayer, and doesn't seem to be moving anything, then I get impatient and want to speed things up. I have no problem with people that sin and screw up, just as long as they know they messed up, then I am able to have mercy, but when people justify their heinous behavior, or don't seem the slightest bit concerned that they are sinning, then I see RED. My anger only applies to the "saved", the people that don't know God have my deepest sympathies, (even child molesters), so why do I get so angry with the people that are supposed to be in my camp? I think God is trying to teach me something because this is the 2nd time in a month that I have been over the top mad, situations just keep coming to my attention, I was able to put to bed an offence that happened last week, and now here I am again boiling over something new. I need to go practice being thankful, and asking God for more love, more LOVE. p.s. this is not about my husband, I thought I should make that clear.