Update

I have been absent from blog world because so many things were swirling around in my mind and I couldn't seem to focus and write anything meaningful at all. I am beyond burned out with school and have decided to take a summer break even though I didn't finish the math books that I had hoped too. I had moved each of them back a year in math in hopes to fill in some gaps and get their confidence level up, I had hoped to be done with those books in the summer and then starting the next level in August, but I just can't keep going at this pace any longer. The truth is that it is only my pride that I have to swallow and I am willing to do.that in order to have a break. I think my kids and I need to have a breather from each other as teacher/student. It is hard to homeschool and not compare yourself and your kids to others. I don't want to "look" bad or give the impression that they are not bright. All of that kind of thinking is wrong and I know it, but oh it is so easy to do. I can't just look at the here and now, I have to be able to see the big picture, and if my kids are lacking something at this stage in the venture it doesn't mean I am failing, it is just a loop that I have to close sometime in the future. Hopefully when all is said and done they will have what they need. It will only take me a few weeks to move them up when I start up again, so I feel mostly relieved and just a small bit of guilt. The guilt comes from not doing the best that I could. People say that to me all the time, "oh you are doing the best that you can." Well, actually no I am not. When it comes to their schooling, I don't always do the best that I can. When it comes to self discipline, a big nope is there as well. Sometimes at the end of a day I can lay in bed and sleep peacefully because I know that for that day I did the best I could, but honestly those days are few and far between. I'm not the best time manager and like I've said previously, self motivation is hard to come by for me. I need the nasty drill Sergeant sitting on my shoulder yelling at me. The nice ones that say "you can do it, come on" just don't cut it for me. The trick for me is to feel guilty enough to make a change, but not condemned, otherwise depression that is always lurking close by will take a hold. It is a fine line that I walk, and I hope to one day have it figured out a little better. I pray for discipline and motivation when I feel motivated or have the discipline to do so, but it is difficult to stay on top of those kinds of things. So for right now I am going to try and enjoy the break from school, make a plan for when we start up again, and pray that I want to do the best I can.

Next week all the boys will be at summer day camp for 3 whole days. I am beside myself with gladness. I have never had the chance to be home when the kids are gone. If I am away from my kids it is usually because we are going out somewhere. I don't have plans made yet about what I will be doing with my time, but I know that one day will be spent out shopping because I am starting to get Dania's room ready.

Entertainment overload

No we did not go to Disney World but first thing this morning we hurried out the door to see the free movies at the local cinema. Nate, who returned Tuesday evening decided to take the day off and accompany us, that was a treat. We saw the newest Veggie Tales Pirates movie, and while it was slightly entertaining I was so disheartened to see that the new owners of Veggie Tales has taken out everything even slightly spiritual. We next headed to Chuck E. Cheeses to have the party we originally missed. I have to say that I absolutely love that place. One token games are awesome and I can't help get excited when I hit a bonus and get a bunch of tickets. Nate and I take an equal share of the tokens and hit the machines. I love Skee Ball so Nate and I duked it out. I also like those chancey/risk games where you can get gobs of tickets if you are lucky. I am not a gambler but I had better steer clear of Vegas. We ended the day with some shopping for CTS (Nate's company) and picked up some goggles for swim team at TJ Maxx ( my second favorite store) for well over half price, the only drawback was they were purple, but that happens to be Evans favorite color. He got the dark purple and Luke got a shade lighter.

Luey

Little Luey turned 7 on Saturday. Here he is with the cannon he got for his b-day. Yes, it is a real cannon that you load with black powder, good thing his father has access to this kind of thing. He had wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese for his birthday, but Nate had a crisis at work and ended up working the entire weekend so his party had to be moved to the shop instead of Chuck E Cheese. I snagged a cake from Ingles and we headed over to the shop to spend the afternoon. Believe it or not he took his disappointment in stride. Not a tear was shed or an angry word spoken. He was so excited about his birthday, he told everyone we encountered and skipped around most of the day. I felt kinda sorry for him, but he was so good about it. We ended up being invited to Nanny and Papa's for dinner and Uncle Bubba and his friend Danny played in the pool with the boys, which they loved. He had a nice day in the end.