Proud and bittersweet

Friday Evan had his little graduation ceremony that went on and on for several hours, but I still found myself holding on to the moment.  I invited both sets of grandparents to come watch the presentation and see him in his moment.  To say that the boy did well is the understatement of the day.  He is in the top 3 of his school, maybe even the second most gifted kid in the school.  I was proud of him, it went deeper than that though.  I was relieved that a conflicting choice we had to make 2 years ago turned out so well.

The bitter always comes with the sweet and the bitter pill to swallow was that this could be the end of a great academic career for him.  Homeschooling will not cut it for him, he will adapt and get used to it, but it will never provide what he received from his advanced studies at school. I know that is counter to what the story is for most kids in school, but it is the truth for him. The competition (he is not even aware that is part of what motivates him), the rules and structure, and bouncing ideas around in a group have really spurred him on.

 I love, love homeschooling.  I don't love doing it, but the concept and the principals behind it are wonderful. I think it is better for children, I think it is better for the family and everything else that goes along with it. I support it whole heartily, but Evan may be one of the exceptions to the rule, that kid feeds and thrives in the classroom.  He is not even happy that summer break is here, he wants to be in school all year with breaks here and there.

I know that for some the decision not to send him to middle school would be a no brain er, but it is not that easy for his father and I.  I know that the peer impact can have long reaching negative consequences.  I also know that it is not possible for him to go school without some compromise, and I know that some parents would never even consider sacrificing one for the other.  I am not that parent! I am torn! I am conflicted! I am a reluctant homeschooler once again. The back and forth in my own mind has started again. I will adapt, I will get used to it, but it will never be with 100% confidence.  Somewhere along the way, long before I ever sent them to school I lost confidence in my parenting ability. One of the reasons I became so unsure of myself graduated top of his class Friday morning.

My Journey to 1000



It started tonight with a group of 8 that was suppossed to be 9.  My personal journey along with dear friends to our naming of A Thousand Gifts.  I read the book and God spoke to my heart about doing it with others.  He gave me vision and one of the ladies creativity for our own journals.  She had not paid attention to the book until after she had made all these lovely books.  I feel like I am embarking on one of those life changing ventures with the Lord.  Sometimes you just know when God is going to do a work in you and some much needed growth is going to happen.  This is one of those times.



I think I've been hibernating

I'm on a roll, two blog posts in two days.  This is going to be short and weird.  I do not understand what has happened, I think that I have been in some kind of functioning hibernation, but have been awakened from suddenly. I am the grizzly bear mama emerging from the hole in the ground or peaceful cave where I have spent sweet time nuturing my family through the long winter, only to go tearing down the hill in search of berries, fish and whatever else someone coming out of hibernation feels like eating. Yum!, even berries and fish sound delicious.  I am eating like the world is coming to an end, like someone set free from a POW camp, stuffing my face and leaving the residue on my face, clothes and floor.  I even found myself grazing in the grocery store yesterday.  I ate a radish, (just to see if I wanted to buy any) a few grapes of each color, some samples from the deli, and when I got in the car, I polished off a bag of gourmet olives that were on clearance.  Since they were expired, I had to eat them quick, right? I even ate a leaf off of my tomato plant because it smelled sooo good. I spend my evenings looking at pictures of food and deciding what I am going to make next, I am creating my own recipes in my head for some random event in my future.  You may not have noticed, (because you can't see me) but I have gained 5 pounds in the last few weeks and am 9 over my best weight, all this while Nate and I are watching what we eat.  He has wanted me to do the South Beach diet, but I keep putting him off one week at a time, I've actually convinced to start his diet on Monday for the past 3 weeks.  It is now time to get serious, after looking at the easter photos, (you didn't see the ones I saw) I have decided that 4 out of the 5 pounds I gained ended up on my knees and calves. The other pound or two is split nicely on the flaps of my arms and belly.  So once we polish off the 2 loaves of banana bread that I made yesterday (one had craisins, coconut, and chocolate chips,"heaven on earth") I am down to serious business, but I may have to wait until I make all the strawberry jam first.

In my defense, Nate has knocked me down that slope trying to get the berries and fish too, okay, not the fish, he hates fish, but everything else in our path.  We did share the same cave this winter, that may explain it.