Now what?

That is what we have been saying to ourselves.  This particular path on our journey is over.
All of the funeral proceedings were done yesterday and all the extended family is headed home.  I have been left to wonder what is next and even morbidly, who is next? I can not help but wonder when is the next time I will be at the funeral home, or at a graveside unexpectedly.  This does leave me with some trepidations, and yet God is growing me in ways that I could not have imagined 10, even 5 years ago.  Death is a part of this fleeting life and I don't want to miss out or hurry any of it along anymore.

The last 4 years have been difficult, the last two a walk through the fire for my brother in law.  I have been so proud of him as he has walked in spirit and truth. My sil's family seems to be doing well also, they saw the merciful hand of God as well. She left behind three younger sisters, three children, her folks and all of us.  I have some fun memories from her life, and some special moments from the past few days that I will cherish.

Grace

Yesterday morning in the hours before dawn we were awakened to the news of my sister in laws sudden passing.  She had been in the hospital for 48 days after a horrific car accident that had left her body broken and her brain damaged.  She had spent most of her life running.  Running from God's love, running from true relationship, running from truth.  For the last two years her running had led her away from her family, her husband, her children. Nate and I had not spoken to her in almost a year, our last conversations with her were hard.  I could not see how God was going to mend all that was broken, but he did.  In the way that only God can bring healing, he did.  Even though I grieve for what might have been, and for all the hurt, I am still so thankful for all that he has accomplished in our lives.  Three weeks ago when her baby bundle was brought to our door and our hearts were melted, I saw the final string woven through the story.  I can honestly proclaim that all is well, all is good, all is grace.

Open Hands

I buckled the baby in the car and watched him ride away and wondered how I would spend my day, what would fill the hours day and night. Tears came to my eyes but did not spill over because I was not the worried, anxious, controlling person I once was, I had no answers as to what was best for this situation, and for once in my life I opened my heart and hands and said yes without stipulations and I saw God. I saw him in my kids, my husband, the kindness of strangers and in one delightful, squishy bundle. I have much to be thankful for, love bestowed, thanks given, and a pair of little socks that got left behind underneath the camera case.



‘I doubt that there is such a thing as a measure of spirituality —but if there is, gratitude would be it.

Only the grateful are paying attention.

They are grateful because they pay attention, and they pay attention because they are so grateful.”

(~Barnes, The Pastor as Minor Poet, quoted by Douglas Wilson). (borrowed from Ann)