Oh how I long to be a person of self discipline. In some areas of my life I am not so bad. In others I am quite pathetic. When reading Farmer Boy to my boys, I was in aw of Almanzo's mother who rose at an inhuman hour of the night to start her work. The children were just as impressive in their work. Almanzo told of how when her mother worked her hands flew so fast it was hard to see them. I often think that it was easier for them to be disciplined because their lives depended on them doing their jobs properly. If they didn't feed and take care of the livestock, they wouldn't have food and new livestock to raise and sell. The same thing goes for the fields and gardens. If I have animals it is mainly for recreational purposes, if I have a garden, my family is not in danger of going hungry if I don't tend it. I often find it difficult to be diligent in my work, because it doesn't seem to matter a whole lot in the grand scheme of things. We have tons of clothes, so there is always something clean to wear. My pantry and freezer are loaded with food, and if they are not, I just run across the street to the grocery store and restock. My flesh loves all the conveniences of my life, but my soul is hates it. I do not feel that my time with the children is wasted at all. Every bit that I pour into them is so worth it, and has eternal significance, so homeschooling and training of them is not what I'm talking about. I always feel like I'm missing something when it comes to housework and other endeavors. My home is relatively clean at all times, the children have nutritious food to eat, and the house feels like a home. I just lack the drive to go the extra mile. This is most notable to me when I make a schedule and inevitably it falls to the wayside due to my lack of discipline to maintain something that I know is good to fulfill my flesh which I know is never satisfied. The second and greatest lack of discipline in me is fasting. I know that God has called me to a fasted lifestyle, but my flesh is soooo weak when it comes to denying myself food. Fasting is one of the most significant things that we as believers can do to move the heart of God, yet in our culture it is one of the most difficult and lest talked about disciplines. NEVER is my heart and character more displayed then when I am fasting. All of my weaknesses are brought to the surface in times of fasting and I see my heart for what it really is. God doesn't usually speak to me in any huge way, I just see my sin for what it is, and it humbles me and draws me to the only source of my strength. I love to fast, I'm just SO awful at it. I know that someday soon I will desire God more than I desire comfort, and I can't wait to turn the corner on this discipline. Since God has called me to it I know he will give me the strength to overcome my weakness.
I am only thinking of these things, not feeling down in the dumps about them. I am still practicing thankfulness and so I am grateful for the insight into my character flaws, because I will be accountable to God for how I respond to his prompting.
3 comments:
Well worded, my sister in Christ. Have you been in my mind reading my thoughts?!? I too long for the simple days that required our discipline to survive.
I'm going to be praying for your family as you prepare to send your relatives to Alabama. It is always hard when loved ones move to the next chapter that God has for them.
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. Isn't it funny how God brings someone else along to prompt our thinking. He must be trying to tell us something.
I think you're reading my thoughts, too. Right down to Farmer Boy, which we've been reading, to the same effect on my conscience.
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