Thursday, July 05, 2007
My Sin Nature
I am so overcome by the realization that I am an angry, venegful person. When someone has done something truly heinous, I have a really hard time being merciful. Eventually I will get to the place of grace and mercy, but first I want to brude and be violent in my mind. I really do know that it is sinful to have feelings of revenge, but honestly I quite enjoy my day or hours of wrath. I used to not have as much control over my silent rages as I do now, (thank you God), I mean I could be icy and nasty to people, not really caring if I hurt their feelings just as long as my anger is "justified". Now I'm sitting here madder than a hornet, and not even for an injustice that has been done to me. I am offended for a friend, hello not even my battle or business, so why are the battle plans forming even as I type this. Yet my heart really aches for the people that are trapped in their sin, and I'm mostly angry that the devil wins so many battles. If all the people would repent I truly would be first (okay second) in line to offer forgiveness and help. when God takes a long time to answer prayer, and doesn't seem to be moving anything, then I get impatient and want to speed things up. I have no problem with people that sin and screw up, just as long as they know they messed up, then I am able to have mercy, but when people justify their heinous behavior, or don't seem the slightest bit concerned that they are sinning, then I see RED. My anger only applies to the "saved", the people that don't know God have my deepest sympathies, (even child molesters), so why do I get so angry with the people that are supposed to be in my camp? I think God is trying to teach me something because this is the 2nd time in a month that I have been over the top mad, situations just keep coming to my attention, I was able to put to bed an offence that happened last week, and now here I am again boiling over something new. I need to go practice being thankful, and asking God for more love, more LOVE. p.s. this is not about my husband, I thought I should make that clear.
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4 comments:
I heard the frustration in your voice while you were writing, I feel the same way at times. Our inner man and flesh constantly in battle. I will look to God and honestly repent and have to say to him Yes I am dark but lovely. The flesh is completely aganist God. It is every second, that we as his bride should be taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Soon as I let one thought go by without asking the Lord to forgive and repent, what my heart was thinking willcome out of my mouth. The Lord will draw near when we draw near to Him. May the Lord bless you
i'm gonna throw this out there, cause my friend here has been through it... and your situation makes me think of it.
it's a ministry called grace life. it's counseling, but i think there are just books too. it's premise is that there no longer is a battle between flesh and spirit/soul( whatever). that the flesh died as we died with christ and that we now have christ in us... it's just retraining our fleshly patterns out of knowing the truth that we now live in. pretty much taking every thought captive, but with the knowledge that the flesh has no power in our life because it doesn't exist... any battle comes from lies that we believe rather than the flesh "controlling" us.
this alone has helped me understand why i continue in sin regardless of my desire to be different, or why i think a saved person can have issues still. we constantly believe lies the enemy dangles and most christians are in a better habit of believing that, than just saying it isn't true and moving on.
if truly grounded in the foundation that our battle is over (which they provide scripture for)
than we can work on trying to change bad thought patterns and learn to recognize them, where they truly come from( and yes some come from childhood) and then really deal with them. i think this makes more sense to me than a constant inner battle... that work i have to believe is done. that encourages me to press on more and more and CHANGE... you can see i am considering the program offered at our church.:) they have a couple counselors available.
and this is old stuff.. their is a book "secrets of a happy christian life" written way back by hannah whitall smith( a british lady i think who started the keswick revival or something) that talks the same stuff..
it isn't a blame game kinda counsel, but you do work through where those fleshly patterns come from so ast to identify and move on, and are given lots of scripture,etc..
i'm not recommending it for you, just really interested in your thoughts on the flesh/spirit... it's given me alot more grace for christians( myself) struggling with issues. all of us have different fleshly habits that bind us and justifying bad behaviour or pretending that it doesn't exist is a good lie and easy to believe especially when you've been doing it your whole life to cope. it doesn't change a blessed thing, but honesty is a habit and has to be practiced. especially when lying was normal growing up. knowing your bad habits are just that...lies and bad habits...and attacking them with the power of christ in me... that's a win win. t
i'm gonna stop now...:)
Oh Catrina, I think we were separated at birth. I am exactly the same way. People who do not know the Lord, I seem to have an endless supply of grace for and want to standup for all the underdogs out there, but when it comes to people who know the Lord that act out in self-righteousness or intolerance, I become intolerant of them (really committing the same sin).
The first part about not judging the world and having compassion for those in the world is a good thing because we are told in scripture NOT to judge the world. I think the second part comes from the fact that when Christians unashamedly act out in sin, we think "they should know better" (which we all should) and that it makes us all look like kooks or hypocrites (again all of us are hypocrites in some way). It's a pride thing- it's like "I don't want to be affiliated with that" and it's wrong. We just need to be able to openly address and discuss those unpleasant issues that are contradictory to the faith in the Body, repent of our own blunders and impatience, and have grace for our the family, too. When I actually get this down pat, I'll let you know...it could be a while. :)
By the way, if I ever do something to offend you, you can come wail on me, you dont have to simmer! :)
http://imablogger.net/2008/07/14/the-status-of-the-sin-nature/
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