All this and Jesus too.

I often don't post the deep things that I am thinking about, for some reason they never seem to make it here. So today I am going to address the one thing that has been occupying my mind of late.

The first is a book I have been recently reading called Traveling Light. It is about Psalm 23, releasing the burdens you were never intended to bear. The funny thing about this was that a year ago our ladies retreat was based in part on Psalm 23, and I have been pondering it off and on for the past year. My MIL gave me this book for Christmas, but I never picked it up until a month ago. The verse out of the chapter that spoke the most to me was a huge surprise for me. It was "the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." I automatically thought that it was going to speak to me about wanting material things (and it did), but I was unprepared for the amount of "want" that I have in my life. He spent a good portion of time talking about the "things" we try to accumulate, but I thought I was still sailing through with flying colors until I came to this:

"Are you hoping that a change in circumstances will bring a change in your attitude? If so, you are in prison, and you need to learn a secret of traveling light. What you have in your shepherd is greater than what you don't have in life."

"I want to meddle for a moment and ask you what is the one thing separating you from joy? How would you fill in the blank? I will be happy when........ Now answer this. If your ship never comes in, if your dreams never come true, if your situation never changes, could you be happy? If not, then you are sleeping in the cell of discontent. You are in prison, and you need to know what you have in your shepherd."

This jumped out at me, because when he asked the ?, I will be happy when.... I had so many things pop to mind. It wasn't stuff, but more situational. For instance, when my house can stay clean for a day instead of an hour. When the kids grow up, when we move, when the difficult people in my life get it together. On and on it went, until I realized that I have been in prison so long. I had never really thought about it in those terms. I always assumed that my desires were good at best, inconsequential at worst. So much of my thought life was focused on things that may or may not happen, but I believe that I have been holding my breath waiting. Of course someone that holds their breath to long gets red faced, tired, and eventually a little light headed. I think that my prison was becoming a familiar place that I would have liked to stay in rather than a place I needed to get out of. Yikes! I love how God works. You can be muddling through life, thinking that it is an ordinary day, until God shows up and changes everything. He is so faithful to not let us walk in darkness too long, if our hearts are towards him. These are the surprises of life that I cherish.

I have been traveling blind in this area for so long. I knew that I was a complainer, but I had no idea that I was sealing my fate to never walk in joy and contentment. Paul says that "godliness with contentment is great gain" When we surrender the cumbersome sack of discontentment, we don't just release something, we gain something. God will replace it with a lightweight attache of gratitude. The book went on to talk about a man that sat down to a meal of bread and water. "He bowed his head and declared." "All this and Jesus too." That has become my new mantra. I have been saying it over and over again, to the children, to myself, and to others. "What will you gain with contentment? Your marriage, or precious hours with your children. You may gain your self respect. You may gain joy. You may gain the faith to say, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."