I hope that you are as blessed as I am in the friendships that you have with other women. I am part of a body of women that just don't let me get away with anything, and I do mean anything. I see this kind of interference as so welcoming and necessary in order to successfully mature as a believer. A few days ago I got a call from one of my friends who happened to believe that I may have spoken carelessly in a conversation that 3 of us were in. When I say carelessly I should clarify that it was not gossip in any way but more of letting the 3rd women off the hook with issues that needed to be addressed with her. The caller was most gracious and humble and I could really tell that she didn't want to be right about her suspicions, she just asked me to consider it and pray about it. Well I didn't need to pray about it, I could tell that her point was valid, but I said I would pray and so I did. Of course her concern had merit, so I did what I had to do which was validate her insight and thank her for her love. There was no damage done to the 3rd party, they would never have even noticed my excusing them or my frivolity.
One of the things that God has blessed me with is pretty thick skin. A gentle rebuke is about one of the best things that could happen to a person, especially a person who was just patting herself on the back for getting a second wind with homeschooling this year. More than the thought of my "mistake" was the thought of how truly and utterly blessed it is to be with people that care about the little things in my life. I could never live with vanity, greed, selfishness or a host of other things because my good friends would see and react. Does everyone always speak to me in love? A big NO would answer that, but honestly I don't really care. They may say something to me in anger and I might want to respond back in anger, however the scripture is true when it says " a gentle answer turneth away wrath." Really good friends are super hard to find, because it is really hard to be a good friend. Are you so blessed to have and be a good friend?
12 comments:
Yes, for me it's sisters-in-law. Marrying into a family of all boys (with testosterone overload at that) has instantly bonded us in a way that nothing else could have, except the love of Christ, of course, which makes the friendships stronger. I know what you mean. We are blessed indeed!
Catrina,
I do have dear, dear friends and ones that have shared many trials and joys with me. I have received advice, but hardly ever rebuking. (Don't worry I feel very loved. I am not asking for an onslaught of rebuke!! : ) : ) : ) just an observation. Or, on second thought, maybe my friends are trying to rebuke me and I am too dense to get it! Anyways, I think the major point is that I am guilty of not rebuking or pointing out what I perceive may be a problem for some of my friends in their lives. I think first of all I am afraid that I might be wrong or have not fully thought out the issue. Secondly, I HATE confrontation it makes me feel sick and nasueus. Thirdly, I forget that my friends might actually appreciate that I care so much. But maybe lastly and most importantly I hate to judge others because I have so many short coming myself and I think I am afraid that they will bite back. My stupid and fragile ego seems to stand between me and being honest. So, any suggestions about how to begin a conversation in which you want to tell someone that what they are doing about this or that, you feel, might be hurting them or someone else??? Thanks for the reminder that receiving a loving heads up from your friends can be a blessing.
I learned awhile back that I, personally, need to pray before I gently rebuke someone. I tend to speak out too quickly and sometimes it wasn't good timing or the person wasn't ready to receive.
I am thankful for your honesty when I've needed a kick in the pants.
GOod friends are trully hard to find you are totally right and really for me I do not have any true, moral, good friends that I feel I can just talk to besides my sister. But that is okay she is a good enough friend for me . SO yes I think I am blessed.
Yea- Good enough I guess :)
Ashley, the key for me
is that I just talk about things as they come up. I rarely pray about it and I rarely call it a rebuke. I never call someone and say "I need to talk to you, there are some concerns I have." As you know, I ask a lot of questions that can lead to some probing and honest discussions. I also rarely have any emotions involved when I am discussng things so that I don't get offended and they don't feel the need to be defensive. Didn't you notice that Oscar and I confronted you about the baby's sleeping patterns.(wink) And do you remember when S was little and kicking and screaming how I "rebuked" you. Seriously though you once told me that I didn't try to make the best out of my bad situations, I complained about them. I don't remember how you said it but that was the gist of it and I appreciated it. I start a lot of my conversations with "I've noticed you seem unhappy, frustrated, angry, etc... I also start them off with "I've been thinking lately about....problem I've been struggling with, (past or present) Everybody is different but I sure appreciate the honesty that I share with my friends, and it has been a great assest in my life and relationships.
Ok so if we categorize types of rebukers, I am the oblivious rebuker (yikes). But seriously, I think when I hear the word rebuke it sounds so serious, so tribunal. It looks like the good rebuker is the person who cares enough to spend time getting to know a person well and then speaking with them freely and honestly. I certainly have been taken aback by some of your questions in the moment, but found myself so happy to try and answer them. They were always pertinent and thought provoking! Thanks for all that rebuking, you are so good I didn't even see it coming or going, but I sure did benefit from it!
Angela, I totally know what you mean. I wasn't really thinking of a full on rebuke. If I ever feel the need to do that I do pray about it.
Jennifer, your enthusiams is underwhelming.(wink) It took awhile before I felt that I had that connection with my friends. And it probably is easier for certain personality types, but hey if you want some truth, I know a few people more honest than I. lol
Tiffany, Tonya was my only friend like that for a long time, and she was good enough.
i would have to say yes i have these friends, and i try to be honest and return the friendliness.:) i've always experienced that speaking truth in relationships whether directly or indirectly has a positive influence. it is hard for me to do as well though.
ashley, i've been the happy recipient of several of your gentle "rebukes" in my lifetime, and all the better for them, even if you didn't know you were giving them. you're that good at it too:) i probably would shy away from the word rebuke as well, but nonetheless your wisdom and advice have been a source of encouragement, and at times a catalyst for most important changes in my life. you are one of the most honest people i've ever known.
i also have a friend who often just provides a listening ear, a peaceful silence, and a sincere promise to pray. this has at times made me most aware of my need, and revealed much more about my character or lack thereof, than any words could have communicated.
i'm really blessed as well.
"good enough"??? I feel so appreciated and loved. Don't you, Jennifer?
Maybe we could have t-shirts printed up that say "good enough" and start our own club or something. We're not great, but by golly, we'll do in a pinch:):):).
Seriously, though. I greatly value a good rebuke from a friend every now and then. I can't imagine where I (or my poor kids) would be right now without them. I think Proverbs likens a rebuke from a friend to a kiss. Appropriate, when you think about it...
Waa! I meant that having only ONE friend like that is good enough. Not that you were mediocre. lol Now I am "fortunate" to have many like you in my life.
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