This is the post that I was working on, but decided to bypass it. Once again it is in the forefront of my mind these past couple of days.
Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.
This has always been a verse that has spoken to me, but recently it has taken on new importance. There is no doubt that life has taken a dramatic turn for us, and while I honestly enjoy change and the even the unknown of the future, I am wrestling with the apparent injustice that has befallen us. My heart is struggling to be free, and I am struggling to keep it. Anger seems to be just under the surface and the smallest unrelated thing can tip the scales, and suddenly I find myself furious. I am angry over something that I can legitimately be upset about, but I find myself angry that the cashier runs out of change and leaves me waiting to go get it. I find myself angry that the gas pump I was using shut off in the middle of my fill up and I had to switch pumps. The list goes on and on, and while many people struggle with feeling impatient over these types of mishaps, I have not been one of those people. I mean that I generally don"t lose patience in those random things that no one can control, not that I never am angry over the small things in life.
How do you be angry and yet not sin in your anger? How do you relate to the injustice, but not let your mind wander down the path of vindictiveness and revenge? I know that renewing your mind is what is needed in times like this, but boy! is that ever hard work. When I am feeling angry (like now) I am literally repenting and asking for help every few minutes. I mean that literally, I will not give in to the bitterness, but I do tend to spend a few moments stewing, or fantasizing about a "great plan" of revenge. The word says that there are seven things that the Lord hates and one of them is a haughty look. I am constantly giving haughty looks in my mind Every time we get a piece of good news or something that sticks it to the accused, I give a haughty look and give myself a high five. I want justice to be served and sometimes I get fearful that my bad attitude will hinder God from coming through for us. Just to be clear, I know that however this turns out that God is on our side and has our best in mind. It's just that there is a particular outcome that I want.
Tomorrow this will probably not be relevant, but once again, I want to chronicle this time in my life. Most days are really, really remarkable, but darkness lingers on the outskirts of this time and once in a while it creeps in.
A World Without Water Halts...
2 months ago
5 Comments:
Catrina,
I can relate. I went through some legal stuff recently~ falsely accused. . . . I was vindicated after a LONG time & process.
I find when my life is out of control, the little things I want to be able to control. I have/ am learning to fully REST in God realizing I am NOT in control. I also found/ find the Psalms very encouraging. David was very honest before God, yet God did not use it against him. Anger is a God given sign that something is wrong. Yes, thoughts are hard to control, I understand. . . & yet I find myself saying, "God, You know what is best. . . . Please, do what is best." I know from the past that God is much better at vengence than I could ever be. That thought makes me aware of my willful sins & how God could avenge me for the sins I have done to someone else. . . . It keeps me clinging to Him!
I hope that helps. My heart goes out to you during this complex & confusing situation.
Catrina,
Sadly this is a topic that we have have had to become experts on. Here are some ways to approach being a victim of injustice and struggling with all the emotional baggage that comes with it.
1. Realized that even if you are 100 percent innocent of what you have been accused, and others are 100 percent culpable in scheming to falsely accuse you and take what is not theirs, that because you are actually a depraved sinner, you don't actually deserve to be vindicated. Remember when you are tempted to call down God's justice, in fact you don't want God to actually dispense justice, because you are just as guilty of sin as those who are presently wronging you. You would die and be judged guilty right along side them.
There are only two kinds of people in the world, sinners and repentant sinners. Fall on your face and thank God that he has breathed his Spirit into you and allowed you to repent of your sins. He has not given that gift of life to those who are persecuting you.
Realize that those who don't belong to God not only WON'T repent, but they CAN'T repent. They are beholden to sin.
2. Rent "What Dreams May Come" and get a reminder of what barren misery hell is. When you imagine the faces of those who are wronging you in places of the faces on the screen, you will move from contempt for them to being terrified for their eternal destiny and forgiving them from your heart will become easy.
3. Realize that nothing that belongs to you has been taken from you. Nothing has been stolen from you. All "your" positions are actually God's and it is His decision to place HIS stuff where HE wants it. Don't covet His stuff or tell Him where to put it. Bottom line, if He needs it to be somewhere else other than in your house, in your bank account or under your purview, then YOU DO NOT WANT IT!
He has given you what he wants you to have.
Everything that does actually belong to you, you still have. Your stuff is God's. Your children are actually God's, entrusted to you to raise for Him. You actually belong to God. I was working on this and I am pretty sure that the only thing that actually belongs to me is my husband. 1 Cor 7:4 - The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Your husband is right where he belongs so you have all that you own. Be content in what God has given you.
4. Jesus was very clear, he came for the poor. Luke 4:18-19 "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord."
The truth is that we are all the "poor" but people of wealth, health, position and power become easily fooled by the world that they are not and do not need God. God does us a great kindness when he shows us how both how sinful and how vulnerable we are.
5. God may have taken what he took from you to protect you. You do not know what the future holds and you may have been traveling a path that was heading toward something awful. With a full heart I can now thank God for what He allowed to be "stolen" from us three years ago and are relieved that we are not longer where we were. I had no idea at the time I was willingly eating poison on a daily basis and praise God that he got us out of there so we could look back from a distance and see the destruction that we were running toward.
I still struggle with what was taken from my son though.
6. God's is glorified is his Justice just as much as He is in his Mercy. From time to time he chooses people to be instruments to determine who should get his justice and who should get his mercy. Matthew 25:31-46 tells people the standard He will use on professing Christians to determine who was actually His and who wasn't. Bottom line, it was what they did to the vulnerable. It may well be that God has chosen you to be The Vulnerable this time to judge the hearts of those whom you are wronged by. If so, then you have been placed in a very honorable position, to both be used by God and to get a seat right behind home plate and see for yourself exactly what the umpire sees. Take care to receive that honorable position with humility.
7. When you gave your life to Him, you gave your will to Him. Give up your will here. It is not actually your job to get vindication or even want it. If God chooses to expose the sin or bring the participants to repentance, then HE will.
Your job is just to serve Him in this moment, and then in the next. To glorify God and enjoy him forever. Fight the fights he directs you to in scripture, and leave the rest to Him.
That is enough for now, but if you need more, I got a million of 'em.
Ginger
Mother of a special needs child who has been screwed over so many times I have lost count.
also... you are totally right on about this:
"I am constantly giving haughty looks in my mind Every time we get a piece of good news or something that sticks it to the accused, I give a haughty look and give myself a high five. I want justice to be served and sometimes I get fearful that my bad attitude will hinder God from coming through for us."
Prov 24: 17-18
"Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;
Or the LORD will see it and be displeased,And turn His anger away from him."
Here is your charge:
verse 19: "Do not fret because of evildoers Or be envious of the wicked; For there will be no future for the evil man; The lamp of the wicked will be put out. "
Grieve for your enemy, because he picked a fight with someone beloved of the King.
Everything you said was so true, and good to be reminded of again. I honestly know that my struggle is mild, my family is healthy and safe in the arms of God. That is all that really matters, I am grieving monetary things that have no eternal significance. I want no part in the poison of bitterness, that is why the struggle is so great, I don't want to give in.
Everyday, I try to have a heart of gratefulness, because we were miserable with our previous circumstances and now God has removed us from them. So most times I am thankful for his intervention.
Prov 24: 17-18
"Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;
Or the LORD will see it and be displeased,And turn His anger away from him."
This one is going on my bathroom mirror, because herein lies my greatest struggle.
I know that you have walked/ and continue to walk through difficult roads that have led you to the place that you now are. You have learned to put your head knowledge into heart knowledge, and I appreciate you steering me to remember and honor my creator.
Thinking of you and praying for you family. NOt sure what all is going on but hugs and prayers for you hun!!!!!!!!!
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